I survived my first full week at my new college.
It was difficult, but I’m trying. I miss seeing familiar faces when I walk out my apartment door. I miss seeing familiar faces in all of my classes. I miss my friends. I miss the familiarity of my hometown. I’m not home. I’m in LA. I’m in a bigger city full of faces I don’t recognize. People who have been at this school for years and have developed friendships and relationships. Never in my life have I been the “new girl”. But now I am. And it’s really hard.
I’m at the school of my dreams. I’m majoring and minoring in my two passions; screenwriting and acting. I’m in a city where I’m going to grow not only as a writer and a performer, but as a person. This is what I need to do in order to follow my dreams and I completely am prepared for that and understand that.
But right now, it’s really, really hard. I didn’t realize how shy I was until this past week. It’s so hard for me to dive in and start conversations and put myself out there, especially when I can very obviously see people in their cliques and talking about their summers and how happy they are to see each other again. And here I am, coming in halfway through the journey, only spending this year and next year on the campus and I feel so alone and out of the loop. It’s difficult. It’s something I’ve never experienced before.
But I’m trying. I’m trying so damn hard to push myself. And I’m going to do it one day. I’m going to start that conversation. I’m going to make that first move. I’m going to do it.
But right now, I’m so alone. And so scared.
I miss the familiar faces.
My home <3